For 24-year-old Katy Harrison, the attacks began soon after she started her job nearly a year ago at an advertising/public relations company.

An older co-worker began criticizing Harrison on everything from her relationship with clients to her ability to handle a project. But the biggest problem continues to be that these criticisms of her professional capabilities have often been personal in nature. For example, the co-worker has noted that Harrison shouldn’t go to a client meeting because her personal appearance (a nose ring) would harm the relationship with the client, and even made a snide comment about Harrison’s personal life at a company holiday party.

“He absolutely has been trying to embarrass and humiliate me,” Harrison says. “I don’t lose sleep over it, but it does add to the stress of trying to do my job.”

Criticism at work is part of any job, but when personal attacks are part of the package, then it’s a “double whammy,” says Sharon Melnick a psychologist and executive coach.

In Harrison’s case, Melnick suspects she triggers the co-worker’s insecurities.

“By putting her down, it’s the only way to raise himself up,” she says.

Peter Getoff, a management consultant and therapist, says that the number of personal attacks in the workplace may be increasing because people have become more narcissistic and are less empathetic with co-workers.

“A hundred years ago, it was a smaller society and people at work were less likely to be strangers. They were all acquainted outside the workplace, and they had stricter social norms about what was acceptable. Now, we’re working with more stress and with people we don’t know as well,” he says.

Getoff says one of the most important ways these kinds of attacks can be stopped is by management adopting a clear policy – and enforcing it – that they won’t tolerate such verbal abuse.

But, as Melnick acknowledges, many workers don’t want anyone to know they are being personally criticized because they’re embarrassed or because they believe it will cause even more tension with the co-worker. Also, some worry that asking a boss to deal with the issue will make them seem like a troublemaker, not an enviable position when jobs are constantly under threat these days.

Still, there are some steps an employee can take to deal with co-workers who couch professional criticism in personal terms. When under attack, experts recommend workers should:

• Walk away. “As the interaction is escalating, say ‘I won’t allow you to speak to me that way. We do need to talk but not now,’ “ Getoff says, adding that you should try to find somewhere private to discuss the issue.

• Don’t take it personally. “You need to understand why the other person is attacking you,” Melnick says. “When someone attacks with such emotion, something has been triggered in their makeup. It’s not about you. It’s about something within them. You’re like a cardboard cutout. You’re not real to them.”

Getoff adds that with the worsening economy, everyday stresses can add up, leading to more people having difficulty containing their inner demons. “If we feel crummy outside the workplace, it is the most natural thing to bring it inside the workplace,” he says.

• Breathe. Melnick suggests using a “reverse” breathing technique designed to calm you. By breathing in through the mouth and out through the nose, you can reduce your stress so that you can reply professionally after being personally criticized. “You can’t control the entire conversation, but you can be impeccable for your 50 percent of the conversation,” she says.

• Focus on your needs. Getoff says that Harrison should set boundaries, especially regarding co-workers commenting on her private life. “She should tell the co-worker: ‘That’s not appropriate. I don’t like it and I want it to stop.’”

Melnick agrees that any comment to a co-worker should be couched in “I” terms.

“You have to tell the other person not what they should do – because that’s empty and won’t influence them – but rather what you are going to do. For example, you could say, ‘I am not going to listen to this anymore. When you’re ready to discuss the issue, I will talk to you.’”

Harrison says she believes that her boss is starting to become aware of the problems with her co-worker, and believes that much of it stems from jealousy and the colleague’s own insecurity.

“He comes in every day quoting ‘Mad Men,’” she says. “He thinks he’s [suave] Dan Draper. But he’s really more like [jerk] Pete Campbell.”â–