The Teller is, outwardly at least, rather conservative.

What – or who – we do behind closed doors is none of your damn business.

The upcoming presidential election has us a little anxious, though. Can we tolerate another term for Barack HUSSEIN Obama? We don’t think we can, and we were looking for ways to escape his iron communist grip on civil society when we got an interesting email that appears to be from some real estate folks around the city of Merida, Mexico.

In it, it is estimated that "millions" of Americans, both conservative and progressive, will want to flee the United States – upon either Obama’s reelection, or a Romney win.

Aand where will they go? "By far, the majority will come to Mexico."

That’s it!

Expatriate conservatives would probably also enjoy some other international locales, like Montreal or Amsterdam, for example. Heck, you can do whatever you damn well please in either of those places.

But Mexico has it all. Tropical weather, a bare minimum of government intrusion in our quest for supermanhood and all the naughty stuff we tend to do in secret.

And it’s cheap!

We’re told that places like Yucatan and Merida are safe and quiet with good access to health care, for which we must insist upon paying large amounts of cash; can’t leave all that’s best about America behind, right?

Pack up the station wagon, dear! We won’t stick around while Obama turns this country into a socialist wasteland! No, we’ll move to Mexico, where we can enjoy a different kind of ruin. And, apparently, "virgin beaches." Is that what The Teller thinks it is? In that case, maybe the wife should stay in the states to look after our holdings here.

Who’s with the Teller? Imagine: A group of us conservative gentlemen can buy a restored hacienda, fence off the property, gate the entryway and live the good life. Yes, with the money we’ll save on the property, we can have all the best stuff from America shipped in to us.

Of course, the Teller is sure there are some sweet, native things worth plucking down there.

Other than that, though, it’ll be "Fort Deliverance." The prospect makes The Teller wonder if we’d return even if, say, Marco Rubio were elected president in 2016.

What’s that? A Hispanic in the White House? Guess we’re staying, amigos.